A life list and weight off my shoulders


I have felt drawn to share in this space over the past couple of months, but found myself deleting each post prior to it being published. As I would attempt to write again, I would feel compelled to share more of life's happenings but then become overwhelmed with where to pick back up.

Even now I'm having trouble figuring out where to start. All that comes to mind is a list of what I would like to share, specifically in bullet format. Maybe we will just start here and it will begin to free up the battle between writer's block and fear of brain overload with the thoughts in my head. Any of this sound the least bit "normal"?
I promise plan to expand on most of these topics in later posts, but then again I'm going to write as often as I find it therapeutic. I feel as if now you may even feel the battle that has kept me away from this keyboard far too long.

// 1. As of September I will have a new job and role, which has needed to happen for quite some time.
less hours, less stress, and possibly more money. Very bittersweet as I will miss my second family, but it is something I need to do for myself. Even though I could care less for the facility in which I work, I have already cried for fear I could grow apart from some really amazing friends. But it must be done.

// 2. This upcoming fall/winter my dad will need a stem cell transplant for his follicular lymphoma.
Many people don't understand what exactly our family will be going through, but don't worry, I'll be sure to educate and I'm even thinking of creating a blog space to document my dad's journey to "day zero and back".

// 3. Because of this life changing event, I plan to move home in December to see Dad's transplant through. Another bittersweet topic, I am excited to be home for more than just a week, but I wish it was on better circumstances. Joe will be staying in New York during the time I spend at home, and I hope I can continue to be a loving wife to him from a distance. It's hard being apart from him even for a weekend, so this will bring its own challenges.

// 4. Our movement back to Texas has been halted so many times, I've lost count. Although it makes me anxious to not be home soaking up memories while they last, God has given me extreme peace over the moving situation.

//5. Flowers have been my serenity for about the past six months. I was asked to design florals for a wedding in May, and it all started from there. I have taken many courses in floral design and can say it is something I hope to pursue in my future. I envision many pictures posts to catch you up to speed on this one.

//6. I've saved this one for last just because I'm not even sure how to say it, and I'm pretty sure I may be in denial about the whole topic. I have found though, that the more I open up about it, the more people I find who are going through some of the same things we are. Am I being vague enough for you? What I will say for now (which is a lot) is that for the past year Joe and I have been trying to start a family, and no you haven't missed any birth announcements, because it seems that our timing or something else may be up. We have just started looking into the world of testing for infertility, but want it to ultimately be left in God's hands. All I can say is that baby fever is real, and I think I may be on fire from it.

I hope to expand on most of these topics, but for now I already feel a weight lifted.

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Solidify your roots


Has it really been two months since I've filled this space with thoughts? I would write you a long winded apology, but I haven't missed this space until recently. I have had multiple people ask about this space lately, and all I have chalked it up to is my life is rather mundane. After making such comments I was rather bummed at the thought of being boring while our space could still be considered uncharted. But then I thought, at this point in our time in New York, it's not all about seeking out the new, but fitting into the spaces our roots have planted themselves. Time and time again I have compared our adventure to that of a plant which was meek at first, but solidifying it's roots after the frightening transplant. I digress...

Back to that apology thing. So as this space has become a (rather public) therapeutic source, you may feel as if content may wax and wane. Still not enough Casey in your life? Follow along on instagram where you will find my daily, not so deep and cumbersome, musings.

I do however owe you an explanation/update on all the florals and my little corner of the world wide web which showcases all that has brought me joy lately! But more on that in another post.

And if you're reading this, I thank you for sticking around!

A letter on growing old


My dear Joseph,

Since our beginning, together we have learned that time is temporary. We have lived through the highs which never remain high, and lived amongst the lows that eventually fade. We have learned that both of us often have fears directly related to time. Often not enough moments, or moments taken away far too soon.

When we met we were just young babes. Not quite aware the consequences of time would have on us. We would easily lie around and day dream of the days to come, a future which promised to be better than the present. And as the days pass, you and I learn that slowing down in life is much more fruitful.  Even though I still cannot predict the fate that time has for us, I know that its much better when it's slower and grasped tightly.

As I think of time passing throughout our lives as one, I often think of your strong hardworking hands. They are hands that are ever changing in experience, wisdom and features. Your hands can always tell me a story of time. When you're nervous your hands are folded into one another, almost attempting to hide. The nails on your fingers bit too short as something eats away at your nerves and inner peace. When confident and proud, your hands animate and help you compose a story. When at peace your hands are warm, comforting and always near mine.

As time passes, our hands together, will build a lifetime. I will watch as your hands negotiate for our first home, pave the way for your career, and as they hold our first born. Those same hands will also hold me close through times of loss and hardship while wiping away the tears that time often promises. When your hands wrinkle with the passing days, they will always be a source of comfort and mine for yours.

As I've told you time, and time again I fear the day where time leaves me without you. And you also know I pray that whatever may come through the years, we will endure all of time together, both on this Earth and beyond.

To say my moments with you are long enough, could never be true.

All my love,
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Thankful for Amber to bringing me back to my writing space through a letter which is intended to capture life's moments.
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