A life list and weight off my shoulders


I have felt drawn to share in this space over the past couple of months, but found myself deleting each post prior to it being published. As I would attempt to write again, I would feel compelled to share more of life's happenings but then become overwhelmed with where to pick back up.

Even now I'm having trouble figuring out where to start. All that comes to mind is a list of what I would like to share, specifically in bullet format. Maybe we will just start here and it will begin to free up the battle between writer's block and fear of brain overload with the thoughts in my head. Any of this sound the least bit "normal"?
I promise plan to expand on most of these topics in later posts, but then again I'm going to write as often as I find it therapeutic. I feel as if now you may even feel the battle that has kept me away from this keyboard far too long.

// 1. As of September I will have a new job and role, which has needed to happen for quite some time.
less hours, less stress, and possibly more money. Very bittersweet as I will miss my second family, but it is something I need to do for myself. Even though I could care less for the facility in which I work, I have already cried for fear I could grow apart from some really amazing friends. But it must be done.

// 2. This upcoming fall/winter my dad will need a stem cell transplant for his follicular lymphoma.
Many people don't understand what exactly our family will be going through, but don't worry, I'll be sure to educate and I'm even thinking of creating a blog space to document my dad's journey to "day zero and back".

// 3. Because of this life changing event, I plan to move home in December to see Dad's transplant through. Another bittersweet topic, I am excited to be home for more than just a week, but I wish it was on better circumstances. Joe will be staying in New York during the time I spend at home, and I hope I can continue to be a loving wife to him from a distance. It's hard being apart from him even for a weekend, so this will bring its own challenges.

// 4. Our movement back to Texas has been halted so many times, I've lost count. Although it makes me anxious to not be home soaking up memories while they last, God has given me extreme peace over the moving situation.

//5. Flowers have been my serenity for about the past six months. I was asked to design florals for a wedding in May, and it all started from there. I have taken many courses in floral design and can say it is something I hope to pursue in my future. I envision many pictures posts to catch you up to speed on this one.

//6. I've saved this one for last just because I'm not even sure how to say it, and I'm pretty sure I may be in denial about the whole topic. I have found though, that the more I open up about it, the more people I find who are going through some of the same things we are. Am I being vague enough for you? What I will say for now (which is a lot) is that for the past year Joe and I have been trying to start a family, and no you haven't missed any birth announcements, because it seems that our timing or something else may be up. We have just started looking into the world of testing for infertility, but want it to ultimately be left in God's hands. All I can say is that baby fever is real, and I think I may be on fire from it.

I hope to expand on most of these topics, but for now I already feel a weight lifted.

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  1. I'm so happy to see an update from you! I'm sorry to hear about your dad and the infertility but it sounds like you've also had some good things happen in your time away.

  2. So good to hear from you. I hope all goes well in the upcoming months. Lots of prayers headed your way!

  3. Those feelings about sharing in this space are completely normal, but I'm glad to see you're still around! I'm so, so sorry about your dad and y'all's difficulty conceiving. You have some difficult days in your future with everything, but please know that I am praying for you and your family! I'm so glad you have peace over moving and that flowers have brought you joy. How amazing to have that creative outlet when it seems that everything else is crumbling around you! God bless, sweet girl.

  4. I love you and this post but you already knew that was coming. I've been looking at flights every day and can not wait to get something booked... I think we may need a facetime or google+ chat soon just to hash out some details.
    Thanks for sharing your heart in this post - honest ones like this are my fave! xo

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, but glad to hear you're blessed to be able to take the time to spend with him. I'm thrilled for your new job, and girl, you are so talented with the flowers. Your floral IG pics are some of my favorites!

  6. Happy to hear your updates, and I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. What a blessing that you are able to take the time to go home and be with him and your family during this hard time in December. I can't imagine.... On another note, good luck with your new job, sounds like the perfect time for a transition. I also totally understand your fertility stress, after it took us over a year and some testing and procedures before I finally fell pregnant. If you ever have any questions, I'm happy to talk!

  7. Oh girl. I'm glad to see you back on here...but so sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm glad you get to go home to spend time with family, though I'm sure leaving Joe is going to be rough!

    On a happier note- yay for a new job! As someone who was sad to leave her last job, strictly because of the people I worked with, it's been over a year- and we're still all super close- monthly happy hours or lunches help :) And your flowers...swooooon! You're definitely talented girl!