Who is responsible for your happiness?


Last week I told you that I have learned a few fine lessons on humility this past year. Now I want to tell you that these lessons were incredibly beneficial and ones that I needed. In no way, shape or form am I looking for you to sympathize or feel like I am discontent. That is not the case at all, as I am thankful for this learning.

The reason I want to share these stories with you is because the support from this community is so incredibly uplifting and I hope I can help someone relate. I have been overwhelmed with support, and I thank you for that!

I wanted to take a minute to share what I have learned about marriage in 2015. As Joe and I are a little over two weeks away from our third wedding anniversary, I learn something more about him and our relationship daily. I've learned that marriage can be messy but also one of the most rewarding relationships.

But first I will warn you of the pit fall I drunk girl stumbled into over the course of these three years. The pit fall is thinking that your spouse or your significant other is responsible for bringing you happiness. All. The. Time. If Joe told me that he expected me to be the source of his complete happiness, I would probably laugh and then feel incredibly overwhelmed.
So why was I doing this to him?

Sure I always respected that he may have his off days, but at the end of mine, I always looked to Joe to make me happy. Does this resonate with you?

There are periods of time when Joe and I have great chemistry, are on the same page, and have a blast just doing life together. But then there are times where we can be tense, out of sync and easily irritable. When I say we, I feel like I mostly mean me...yikes.
When we get out of sync, I feel like I look to Joe to "fix it".
Unfortunately each time, I'm surprised when that doesn't happen...ridiculous right? We are a unit, and one that can only function as one when we both put in the effort.

Plain and simple, this year I have learned that Joe is not responsible for my happiness. But when we place God in the center of our marriage, we understand that He is the only perfect one. He is also the only one who should bring us happiness...now chew on that!

I did not come upon this conclusion on my own but was dumbfounded when I saw a simple Pinterest post that spoke volumes in just a few short words.

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  1. Ah Casey, I so resonate with that "fix" thinking; looking to my husband to fix me and wash away our angsts! So glad my journey inspired your and thank you for sharing with others.

  2. Wow, this is so eye-opening! Definitely a lesson in humility and one that I probably need to keep in mind for my current relationship. All too often I look to him (or others) to fix my bad day or bring me happiness and am disappointed and embarrassed for turning to them in the first place. You're right, putting God first and foremost ALWAYS brings me absolute happiness and joy, because He is perfect, not me. Thank you so much for this insight and for being vulnerable.

  3. this resonates SO MUCH. I have these days where for no apparent reason, I get really cranky at my Joe (yea, Mister Man is a Joe too!). just snappy and nasty for nothing he's done. and when I actually think about it, it's because I want him to be doing something more to make me happy, whatever that means that day. and that's just not fair. thank you for writing this down and sharing it, it's so wise!