Reader beware



I didn't intend for this post to be cynical, but reader beware, its loaded!

Lately, life has thrown a lot of perspective my way, not necessarily correct, but one I wanted to share as a step of growth.

Saturday morning I'm sitting getting my nails done and can't help but overhear another gossip session going on behind me in the pedicure chairs. This woman, who was relatively my age, was with her mom getting a pedicure but on the phone the entire time. Now the phone thing is something I could go into, but what really got me thinking was the conversation she was having.

Over the course of this thirty minute conversation the woman was dishing all about her upcoming plans for her Superbowl party. The rest of her day was to be spent buying streamers, balloons, food, cakes, plates, napkins, wine, TONS of beer, and even green and white felt to cover the island in her kitchen to look like a football field, complete with individual team's end zones. Can you imagine the size of that to-do list?

All I could think of was the time, money and effort such things would take for something so temporary...

I will be honest, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. It wasn't about spending quality time with friends or family, but it was the production of it all, something that I think the South really has ass backwards. Why so showy? If I've learned anything from living in the NE, its that people value loyalties over lavish things. The actual time spent with your loved ones far exceeds the need for the fancy china and ballgowns.

As I'm sitting there in my own showy way getting my nails done (cough hypocrite right?), I was sad thinking that there are so many other things going on around this young woman, but all she can flipping think about is BBQ weenies and if she has enough space in the fridge for the Buds.

So many things in the last eight weeks have turned my world upside down. There are so many times (often selfish I admit) that I want to scream things out loud like, "THERE ARE FAR MORE THINGS IN THIS WORLD THAT NEED YOUR ATTENTION THAN THE STREAMER COLOR IN AISLE 7".

I think of two friends, who right before and right after Christmas have had to say goodbye to their dads well before their time. We often tend to tread around the word death on tip-toes. But hear if from the hospice nurse in me. Death is emotionally messy, heart breaking, financially burdening, soul crushing, but yet often beautiful after the fog clears.

I think of my husband who lost his Uncle suddenly right after Christmas well before his time. He left behind two beautiful daughters in their 20'-30's.  With his death also comes the loss of a brother, a husband, and more tragically a son.

I've seen so much sickness and not nearly enough health.

In the past eight weeks I have been the patients family instead of the nurse. I have been the one in tears being consoled by a nurse, younger than me.
The role reversal was very Twilight Zone for me...

I've prayed so many prayers that I never thought I would have prayed before...
Some still bring tears to my eyes at the thought of them. And SO SO many have been answered in their own beautiful messy way.

I have felt the panic of a job lost, and the millions of decisions that come tumbling down with that Jinga stack.

I have felt the sadness of saying goodbye to some of the most amazing people in my life over the past three years and pleading with them not to forget me.

I have witnessed the stress of finances, new roles and decisions that must be taken on as a result of all above events.

I have empathized and sympathized with friends who are struggling with infertility, or the loss of a baby...right around the holidays.

I have felt times where more days are bad than good, and those desperate prayers were all that would keep us from drowning.

To sum it all up, I have felt more feels in the last eight weeks than I knew my mind could handle. We often talk about those proverbial "plates" and mine is messy, all mixed together and entirely too full.

In a way, I am jealous that that young woman's biggest care in the world was over a silly football game held once a year. But I hurt for everyone else who is processing the feels.

Apologies for my pity party, and the fact this same woman could be going through many of these things. But I want this here.  I want to stop and remember the fortunes in our lives, whether that's another breath taken, or a job interview scored.

It challenges me to be more humble with all of my materialistic ways and remember everyone may be fighting a battle you know nothing about.

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  1. I'm sorry to hear of all your trials, but glad to hear they are a reminder to you of what is important.

  2. Oh Casey - your sweet and raw and beautiful heart is something I always cherish when you share your words and stories and truth here. Also, thank you for doing so. It is such truth that we just don't know what battles people are facing but it makes me happy to know that I hold true to the little things and that I can be there for loved ones, counting myself blessed for every second I get with them. Continued prayers for you and your family!

  3. I love you, Casey. I can't even imagine the weight you're carrying on your shoulders right now. Please know I'm thinking of you and hoping everything works out. #choosejoy

  4. this is just what I needed today. thank you so much for your truth and for being so transparent. you are pretty wonderful. sending you big hugs for whatever you might need them for today.

  5. The North/South perspective is interesting! As someone who has grown up and lived in New England for 27 years, and recently relocated to North Carolina, I feel like it's the opposite! The southern people seem very down-home and focused on having a good time, as long as family and friends are there then everything else comes second. The 'northerners' are all about the material goods, how does their home look, will my event be better than so-and-so's, consumerism at its peak. The 'what' trumps the 'who,' at least from my experience. (I've lived in NJ, Albany, and CT).

  6. Isn't that so true how envious we can be over someone who has no cares except the materialisticness (clearly not a word) of life!!
    I love you dear friend and so happy to see you writing on here again!! xo